I'll never forget the first Saturday after we were married. We woke up, and I started cleaning the entire house... because that's what you do on Saturday. Or so I thought. J-P had very different Saturday plans. He sat on the couch and read while I cleaned. I kept thinking that at any second he would jump up and help me. He never did. After several hours, the house was clean. He was still reading. I was so mad that fumes were escaping through the pores of my skin. I grabbed my purse and said (with as much drama as I could muster) "I'm leaving, and I'm not coming back for a long time."
When I returned from a very therapeutic shopping trip, we had a long talk. We made a chore list. After much deliberation, we decided it was only fair to divide the household labors. We were both working full-time, and I was working way more than he was. I was also sitting in L.A. traffic for hours a day and he was working out of the comfort of a home office.
Three years later, Saturdays are still a struggle. I am the big-bad-wolf that demands help. I write "honey-do" lists. I "86" his basketball plans if I know I can't finish everything by myself. In short, I am a bad wife.
Today I read this article: Chores for two: Why men don't pitch in
It made me feel so much better to know I'm not the only demanding wife out there. Lately, I've been feeling the guilt.
Disclaimer: I do not write this to demean or disparage my husband in any way. He is an amazing husband, here's the proof: He wakes up with our children every morning and let's me sleep in until at least 7:00. That's huge when your children wake up at 5:00 a.m. EVERYDAY. He also changes all of Max's poopy diapers (if he is home), and NEVER complains if the house is a mess or dinner doesn't get made. He knows what it's like to be in my shoes, and he also knows Max's ability to morph into the tazmanian devil. Really, he's the best there is.
4 comments:
Amen Mary-Ann!!! You could practically substitute Tom for JP in this post and it would still be true. When I was working full time as a lawyer and Tom was just in school (and then later just studying for the CPA exam), I still had to do all of the housework, laundry, and grocery shopping. He was in charge of cooking and we ended up eating out everynight. Good thing husbands have other redeeming qualities to make up for their lack of enthusaism for household chores.
J-P sounds like a wonderful husband and father. (Waking up with the kids at 5? Poopy diapers? Really?!) We have had this "issue" at our house for a long time. I have to read that article! It's so hard because Bill works full-time and goes to school full-time and I am home all day, but still...I can't do it by myself! Thanks for posting this so I know I'm not alone. And know that you aren't either...
He sounds like a real piece of work to me... :)
Please insert all the comments in my head here_________.
Chris Dutkiewicz (an innocent victim of J.P.'s honey-do list).
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