I am vehemently opposed to wearing nylons. I don't like them. They are synthetic, itchy, scratchy, uncomfortable, and, in my opinion, only appropriate for women over 50. I don't own a pair. Well, I didn't own a pair...until today. I can explain.
With the arrival of pregnancy number two came the unwelcome arrival of my first varicose vein. That's right, just one. A small one, at that. Nonetheless, being the paranoid pregnant person that I am, I decided to point it out to my OB at my last appointment. He immediately grabbed his pad and wrote me a prescription for medical grade compression pantyhose. A prescription for pantyhose? While I agree that pantyhose should not be available for purchase by the general public, was a prescription really necessary?
Me: "Um, do I really have to wear them?"
Doc: "Yes, you don't want it to get worse."
I went to fill my prescription (not covered by insurance, by-the-way) and the total came to $115 for one pair. Yikes. Luckily they didn't have my size. I came home and found the same thing on-line for $25. I am wearing them right now. The package should have come with a warning label of the possible side effects. The wearing of this product may cause bothersome sensations such as creepy crawly, itchy scratchy, heebie jeebies, and general anxiety and paranoia. Avoid wearing this product in houses with an internal temperature of 80 degrees or more to prevent heat stroke, hysteria, and excessive perspiration. Wearing these things for the next six weeks will be sheer torture. After the baby comes, I will consider donating them to the federal government to be used in the coerced interrogation of convicted terrorists. In the meantime, I'll be waiting to exhale.
6 comments:
So funny. I despise nylons, but when you live somewhere that actually gets a winter, you have no choice. I have never heard of prescription nylons. How weird.
That is so horrible! I wore nylons to church on Sunday because I didn't want to shave, and boy did I regret it! I feel for you!
I have an aunt who for medical reasons has to wear prescription nylons everyday and has for about the last 15 years. Jokingly I tell her she's putting on her prosthesis legs. They seem awful, but so do varicose veins. Hang in there!
This was one of your funniest posts! I can't believe prescription nylons! How crazy and funny. Best wishes for the last few weeks before D-day. You'll do great. I can't wait to see what number 2 looks like!
Prescription nylons, eh? That's a new one for me! I think you accurately describe the side effects of said nylons. I'm so sorry to hear your plight.
Well if I had to wear them I'd probably not be too happy either. Fortunately we guys don't have to shave our legs so it isn't considered necessary to worry about varicose veins.
Good luck and let us know when the baby comes. I'm sure he'll be just as exciting as Max but hopefully smaller.
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